Open Jokes

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them, open wide honey here comes the air plane

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say open wide for the delicious plane.

teacher: students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house. student one orphan: I don't have any. student 2: what is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner. student one orphan: what! student 2: the prisoner gets picked.

what did the woman with no hands get for christmas? no idea. she hasn’t opened her present yet.

A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Can't wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!

I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it "I'll get you some food once we get off"