Open Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

Why did little sally fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.

What did sally get for Christmas?

Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.