Open jokes
What is Chuck Norris' favorite Sonic song?
"Open Your Heart."
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
I wanted to open a restaurant for the hearing impaired, but the slogan "Enjoy without hesitation" didn't go down so well.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
In a world bizarre, Penis burgers, strange delight, Tantalizing taste.
Buns shaped curiously, Meat, a bold centerpiece, Lingering delight.
Sizzling grill, they sizzle, Juicy secrets unfold, Hidden pleasures found.
Tempting, yet absurd, Controversial cuisine, Curiosity piques.
Daring, adventurous, Palates embark on a quest, Uncharted flavors.
But let us not dwell, On the phallic form they hold, For taste transcends all.
Beyond flesh-shaped buns, Flavors dance upon our tongues, A feast for senses.
So let us partake, In this culinary art, With open-minded hearts.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.
I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
My sister said that if you go to a random person's door, the sister will all Waze open it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!