Open Jokes

Anonymous

How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ?

you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth…

sorry

School Shooter Memes

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it

Anonymous

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

in TikTok

Follow Me On TikTok @yvngkchris Joke:At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

pHubUser492927738
in Christmas

What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet…

What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))

Anonymous

Roses are red lemons are sour open your legs and give me an hour

Some Random Dude
in Little Johnny

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother’s bedroom. He thinks, “Meh, Dad’s probably back from the grocery store”. But 2 seconds later, he heard a “Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH” and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, “Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?”. Santa replied, “Your mother asked for her ‘milk jar’ to be filled, and that’s what I am doing.” Johnny says, “Oh.” “But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?”

(Santa winks at you)

Anonymous
in Police

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”

The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”

0
Stephen hawking Dad

Why was it cold in Stephen hawkings house?

Because he had a new window open…

😂👌🏻

0
imsogay.com

i hate it when ever i bring a girl over my parents don’t care but when i bring one of my friends thats a boy there like KeEp ThE DoOr OpEn and im gay

Yo Mama sucs Deez Nuts

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!Lol

Anonymous
in Math

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: “Assume we have a can opener…”

Anonymous

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

3
dev

what type of sandals do frogs ware? Open-toad

Allan C.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we’ve opened a window.

GerogeBush

yo mama so fat that if we cut her open we could stop world hunger

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

Humor

A Woman exclaims that she was robbed she was reading in the dark candles were next to her on she says the thief opens her cabin of Jewelry and leaves and enters from the window.He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her.She turns the lights on and sees what happened.The candle wax was going down straight.A police man closes the window and cabin then tells her shes lying just for the cash reward.Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in the candle wax would be dripping to the side not straight!

Anonymous321

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off then he ask if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah the thing is my mom was coming out the shower naked and when she open the door it was me and the mailman. Now when the mailman sees me he says to me we got something in common we both saw your mom naked.

Anonymous
in Puns

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture