One jokes

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."