One jokes

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

Why should China be a baseball team?

Because they can take out the entire world with just one bat!

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

Why can't an orphan go to school?

They have no one to sign the parent signature.

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

Who were the people that survived 9/11?

The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?

One goes up and one goes down.

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

How many gears does a French tank have?

One forward and six reverse.

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.