One

One jokes

Rule

    • I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

    Here are some rules to make a good joke:

    1: Don't say “my life.”

    2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

    3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

  • 0

    • Boy

    • A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

    "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    The boy licked his cone and replied:

    "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

  • 25
    • One memes

    Pilot

    • Who reads the fastest?

    The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.

  • 6

    • Friend

    • There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  • 0

    • Parrot

    • A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.

    "Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.

    "Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"

    "I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.

    "Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."

    "Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."

    "Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"

    "Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."

    The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."

    "Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."

    The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."

    "What!?" says the man.

    "Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."

    "And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"

    "Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."

    "My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"

    "Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."

    "And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.

    "No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."

  • 5

    • Shark

    • [God creating sharks]

    God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

    Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

    God: And make them mean as hell.

    Angel: WTF y.

    God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

    Angel:...

    God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

    Angel: Why do I still work for you?

    God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

  • 0

    • Friend

    • I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

  • 0

    • Girlfriend

    • I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

    Me be like: ;-;

  • 1