One jokes
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.