One jokes
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!
Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
One like = more from me to you. 👊
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?
Because no one forgets it! :)