One jokes

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?

Lots of fans.

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?

Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...

He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.

When does a pentagon have 4 sides?

When a plane is in one of the sides.