One jokes
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Memes
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)