One jokes
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Why don't orphans play tag?
Because there's no one to catch.
What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan?
One has a home to run to.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?
The emo doesn't fall.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
Because no one is there for them to pass [the ball].
The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"