One jokes

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One kneels for salvation.

The other kneels with salivation.

What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One is glowing and the other is blowing.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One reads, the other breeds.

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."