One jokes

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?

Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"

C'mon guys, I know I'm not the only bored one around here!

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!

Which one do you want to watch? 😀"

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

This picture is for bras! Comment or not and go to each one and comment! And go!