Occupation jokes
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
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What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What's the difference between a businessman and a businesswoman? Wo!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
Is Will Smith a blacksmith?
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.