Occupation jokes
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
You call, I'm putting on.
Frank (34) DJ.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!