Occupation jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! ð
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they canât eat it.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Memes
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Whatâs a hairdresserâs favorite roast? Flat iron roast.