Occupation jokes
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES gardening?
MC Planter.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Saucy
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?
Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needs some space.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.
What is a gay man's favorite job?
A blowjob.
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮