Occupation jokes
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.