Occupation jokes
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.