Occupation

Occupation Jokes

Giant

How are giants and strippers alike?

They both grind men's bones to make their bread.

Butcher

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

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  • Finish

    What do painters and prostitutes have in common?

    They're both paid for a good finish.

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  • Daredevil

    What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

    One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...

    Waiter

    Boss: You're fired.

    Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

    Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

    Hand

    Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

    Well, you gotta hand it to her.

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  • Space

    Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?

    Because he didn't have enough space.

    Tour Guide

    As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

    Taliban

    If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

    9/11

    Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

    Job

    What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

    Priest

    What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

    The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

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  • Onion

    What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

    I cry when I chop up onions.