Occupation jokes
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Memes
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.