Occupation jokes
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.