Occupation jokes
Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Why did the rapper become a teacher?
Because they had a knack for dropping KNOWLEDGE.
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
Why did the rapper become a tailor?
Because they wanted to drop some fresh THREADS.