Occupation jokes
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.