Occupation jokes
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
I lick poo for a living... You?
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!