Occupation jokes
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix you!"