Occupation jokes
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix you!"
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"
SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"
HE: "I'm a butcher."
SHE: "We're through!"
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅