I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
