Occupation jokes
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?
Are you kidding me?!?
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"
SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"
HE: "I'm a butcher."
SHE: "We're through!"
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
An alligator is in a class, turns out he likes teaching!
What is the postman's favorite fruit?
Water-mail-on.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.