Occupation jokes
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana? A salmon-rai.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
Two lawyers are sitting on a park bench, and these two beautiful women walk by. The first lawyer says to the other, “Let’s go fuck these chicks.”
The second lawyer says, “Outta what?”
What do you call a three humped camel?
A prostitute from New York.
Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.