Object jokes
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?
Flip it upside down.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.