Object jokes
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?
Flip it upside down.
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.