Object jokes
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs? Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What is black and white and sits in a tree?
A fridge wearing a leather jacket! XD
What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
Checkmate
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What is this?
Penis, neck, rope?
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.
Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.
In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.
Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.