Object jokes

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What is the difference between me and a knife?

The knife has a point.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?

A toaster.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.