Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.
