Number jokes
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my was kicked, let's be friends?
Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?
Because they can’t even.
i like paint
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
Here are 20 jokes for you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!
How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!
I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
Why did the chicken go to the mall?
To get new feathers!
I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?
You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
If 6 is afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.