Nothing jokes

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Nothing, because he is dead.

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...

Have a nice day! 🙂😊

What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?

Nothing, he had no friends.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

What's more stupid than rapper and booty jokes?

NOTHING!

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?

Nothing, they are both orphans.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?

Nothing because he's dead.

What is white and 9 inches?

Nothing.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

What did the egg say to the other egg?

Nothing, they can't talk.

Is it all right when there is nothing left?