What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...
Have a nice day! 🙂😊
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What's more stupid than rapper and booty jokes?
NOTHING!
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
