Empty

Empty Jokes

Vampire

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

Funeral

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

Blonde

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

Donut

If you were a food, what would you be?

Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."

Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."

Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."

Michael Jackson

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

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  • Poison

    A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

    Pharmacy

    Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

    Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

    Feminist

    The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.

    Food

    Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

    Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

    Fridge

    What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

    O I C U R M T

    Bag

    How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

    As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

    Human

    Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

    Pharmacy

    Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

    Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

    Super Bowl

    A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

    Wine

    How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

    When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

    Abortion

    Why do people hate abortion jokes?

    It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.