Nothing jokes

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.

Daveon...

There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?

Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.

Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?

A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.