Nothing jokes
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them theyβre going to die.
Did you?
Whatβs the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Memes
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
Bully: "You are so stupid!"
Classmate: does nothing.
Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"
Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! πππ
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
Whatβs the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.