Not jokes
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Sister, you're ugly.
Other sister: I'm not your reflection.
PS. Sorry if it is not funny.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.