News jokes

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

"Scoop pa tun manaa?"

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

When your plane heads for New York...

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95