What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food: Here comes the air plane.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
