News jokes

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.

When your plane heads for New York...

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.