News Jokes

So my mom looked in the mirror today and we need a new one

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o clock on new years. First kill of the match

Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

Have you ever heard about the new virus in china it called hupun.hupunDEEZ NUTS!!

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said "hi." I said, " knife to meet you."

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.

Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Will just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love", so take that as you will.

🚘 what is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon

did you hear about the person who died? i would tell you about him but he died

Theres a new cooking programme on bbc1 . The contestants are victims of domestic violence. Its called cant cook .... right hook

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar ? Can I push your stool in for ya

I saw an orphan and i said, yo.

He said what do you want.

I said, "to be your new father"

"Realy??!" the orphan said,

Me, lol no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Hi guys the prankster is backster!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sisters tooth past bottle!

Okay so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tastying is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there so I got some mints and putted it there! Then next thing you new was! My sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzes buttock!

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.