News Jokes

Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?

SawCon deez nutz!

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

Who are the fastest readers in the world?.... New Yorkers, they went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.

You learn something new everyday. Like the people in 9 11 are the worlds fastest readers they went through 100s in under a seconds

my son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

"Scoop pa tun manaa?"

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.