Nearness

Nearness jokes

Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,

“Boo.”

“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”

Jack sat down next to her and smiled.

“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.

“That sounds fun,” said Jill.

“C’mon, let’s go!”

The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. They frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.

“You ready?” Asked Jack.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.

Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.

“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.

Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.

“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.

Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.

Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.

One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.

Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆

What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

  • 1

    • It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

    My name is Devonair.

    When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

    Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

    My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

    I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

    My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

    Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

    So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."