Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved...and shot her.
Commander: "Fire a warning shot" Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher" Commander: "potato, potato, just fire" Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school* Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans!🏀🏀😆😆
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven hawkings
Don't do suicide shit nearly killed me tbh 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Your so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
Grandpa said no phone near the table so I said your not allowed near the school
When I die I what to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or," You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
when the school lets you near children again...
It's getting near midnight and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
I got caught peeing in the pool
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger. A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
So I saw a bag full children near a dumpster, I guess we know where the Orphans are when the parents didn’t want them..
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic Priest comes along, otherwise the Priest will have new sex toys..
One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you, I hope Scotland gets freedom I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
