Mythology jokes
Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Imagine calling a dragon "fucking dewi."
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Hanuman is a monkey.
What do you call a man who offended an NFL player...
Odin Floyd.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.