How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
Mythology Jokes
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
God is fake.
What do you call an underwater maid?
A mermaid! 😂😂😂😂
What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
bloody mary.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
Yo mama is so fat she turned the mermaids to fishes.
Imagine calling a dragon "fucking dewi."
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.
They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
