My jokes

My classmates?

Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

Suck on my big fat ding dong, you idiot!

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.