My jokes

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.

My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

I'm the joke 😈😈😈 HAHHAHAAHHAHA Delilah my kitten meow meow to the woof woof.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.