Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
My Jokes
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Look at my name and you'll see.
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.
My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.
All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Your hairline had to "Fahrt" cuz my ass IS your hairline.
My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.
To anyone who wants to be my friend:
Hello.
Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!
Alex <3
Hi, my name is Unknown Guy! Please join my group for the picture I show you, we will do this every week!
Thanks, leave a comment or sign in using the sign in sheet that I have in Google Forms or own the website.
Hint: Pictures of woman.
Btw, for men only!
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
