My jokes

My name is Bob, and I am a cow.

My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...

My friend made a joke about dogs. I said it was a RUFF joke.

Person you don't know, my name.

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

My existence.

My life.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

My grandpa died to ligma :(

LIGMA BALLS!

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

I like my women how I like my bacon.

Well Dunn!!!