My jokes

I like my women how I like my bacon.

Well Dunn!!!

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

Suck on my big fat ding dong, you idiot!

My grandfather killed Hitler.

Get it? Get it?

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.