My jokes

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!

Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.

My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

I wish I was dead like my jokes.

My anus smells.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Like and comment if you will be my friend!