My jokes

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.

My favorite meme is, "N_gga."

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD

PS free sex at my name

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.

Mom: Meet my boyfriend.

Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?

Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.

Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.