The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
I'm shocked about Donald Trump escaping the transgender accusations. Trump is more talkative than any of the popular girls I went to school with! Not to mention Trump's tweets...
if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Wat do you give a sick bird? Tweet-ment!
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
