My jokes

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!

Who sucked on my cock?

Answer: You.

A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"