My jokes

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

What do you call my IP? 74.125.224.72 hahahahahahahahaha

My life.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.

I love my family when they're buried alive.

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)