My jokes

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

I know that my jokes are never punny but...

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

My will to live.

Want to hear a joke? My life.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.

Then it hit me.

I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3

What's the difference between me and you?

I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!

What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"

My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.

Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.

My cousin really loves baseball.

He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.

My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

First Man: My dog's got no nose.

Second Man: How does he smell?

First Man: Awful.