My jokes

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.

I put a magnet in my butthole and made the teachers smell it.

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

*Everyone Looks at me*

What’s Elon Musk Jr.'s favorite food?

WD 5TB My Passport Portable External Hard Drive HDD, USB 2.0 Compatible, Black - WDBPKJ0050BBK-WESN

Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?

You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.

I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!

Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?

Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?

Banana Joe: No.

Darwin: Is it a leaf?

Banana Joe: No.

Gumball: What is it then?

Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.

But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"