My jokes

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

You know what I told my little brother plane?

My mom picked my major.

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

Why was Sonic fast?

To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?

My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.

I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.