My jokes

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

Alex, you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!! Please respond as quick as possible! To my love, Alex!

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

My speech impediment has gotten so worse that I stutter when typing sentences.

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

Wanna suck my dick?

No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

I laughed at my life so hard.

My balls.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?