My jokes

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Why are my students so naughty?

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

My dick harder than stone, man.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

You can't YEE your last HAW!

But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.