My jokes
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"
So I threw my dictionary at her.
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
My peepee was big, now it's small.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
The thing my mom birthed.
my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.