My jokes
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
Memes
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."
My Butterfingers slipped.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
My live.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
My entire existence.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
My mom
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.