My jokes

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

My friends' titties are bigger than my sakuras.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.