My jokes
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
That’s right, I have my own category😎
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
My mom loves balls.
But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!
Wanna know what an orphan's least favorite song is?
"More Than My Hometown."
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.
What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.