My jokes
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
My grandpa died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot.
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?
My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"