My jokes

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

Would you like to win 100k?

Comment on my next video for a chance to win!

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

My gamer tag is TheBigAut.

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.