My jokes

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

I told my fam a joke.

They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Worst joke ever: me and my user.