My jokes

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.

I love my mom.

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

I ate my mom.

L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."