My jokes

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?

My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.