Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
My Jokes
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
I love my dog, Sadie.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.
