My jokes

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

This. This is my class.

[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o)

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

My dick itches.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.

The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."