My jokes
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.
Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD
Memes
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
Dear Orphans,
I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)
Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are hee/hee.
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."
*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵
Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
I cried when my dad cut onions.
Onions was a good dog.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password.
Me: Sorry mate, it's so short, get a longer one! 🤣