My jokes

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.

My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.