My jokes

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Who is my favorite underground rapper?

XXX Tentacion

I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Nah, I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.