My jokes
What is your name?
My ankle is named Samantha.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
My car 🚘
Roses are red, violets are violet,
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.
Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!
1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.
2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!
3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.
4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".
She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!
Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.