My jokes
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:
Who wants to be my boyfriend?
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."